Tuesday, March 20, 2012

It's OK

My brother had his second back surgery in as many years yesterday.  The procedure went well and the doctor is optimistic so we shall be as well.  I'm sitting in a motel room in Buffalo reading blogs and listening to my mom snore; she's doing a great job (sorry mom).  This is my favorite part of travel, not my mom snoring, it's sitting in my room feeling no guilt looking over my shoulder as I sit reading blogs!
Today over at Two Story Cottage I was inspired to be myself again.  Biggest mystery for me is finding out who I am.  I often feel like Julia Roberts (that would be awesome) in Pretty Woman when she responds to Richard Gere's question, "What's your name? with "What do you want it to be?"
In my mind, I've been a people pleaser nearly all my life.  Not the kind of person that does it for personal gain but the kind of person that tries to put other's needs before her own.  I'm not unhappy about that at all but what I am discovering at this later stage in my life, I don't know who I am or what my needs are.  I also acknowledge that I did get some personal gain, a family place if  you will..."Call Corsy, she can figure out what to do, how to fix it, make the arrangements, etc."
My sisters, brutally pointed out to me, around the table a few months ago, that unless I'm 'mothering' them or helping them or someone else in the family do one thing or another I'm absent from their lives.  Absent in the, every day life way, so to speak; I'm always there for them but not there 'with' them. Boy did that hurt, but I admit they might be right.
As Erin pointed out on her Two Story Cottage blog, it's okay.  This place I'm in right now is not great but if the Lord put me here, He did it for a reason and I'm determined to figure out why.  When that sense that something is wrong is constantly in my mind, I know He's trying to tell me something.  I also know that He'll help me figure it out, one way or another.
It's a change in the season of my life.

Another page in my adventure for 2012 has been written.

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