My brother had his second back surgery in as many years yesterday. The procedure went well and the doctor is optimistic so we shall be as well. I'm sitting in a motel room in Buffalo reading blogs and listening to my mom snore; she's doing a great job (sorry mom). This is my favorite part of travel, not my mom snoring, it's sitting in my room feeling no guilt looking over my shoulder as I sit reading blogs!
Today over at Two Story Cottage I was inspired to be myself again. Biggest mystery for me is finding out who I am. I often feel like Julia Roberts (that would be awesome) in Pretty Woman when she responds to Richard Gere's question, "What's your name? with "What do you want it to be?"
In my mind, I've been a people pleaser nearly all my life. Not the kind of person that does it for personal gain but the kind of person that tries to put other's needs before her own. I'm not unhappy about that at all but what I am discovering at this later stage in my life, I don't know who I am or what my needs are. I also acknowledge that I did get some personal gain, a family place if you will..."Call Corsy, she can figure out what to do, how to fix it, make the arrangements, etc."
My sisters, brutally pointed out to me, around the table a few months ago, that unless I'm 'mothering' them or helping them or someone else in the family do one thing or another I'm absent from their lives. Absent in the, every day life way, so to speak; I'm always there for them but not there 'with' them. Boy did that hurt, but I admit they might be right.
As Erin pointed out on her Two Story Cottage blog, it's okay. This place I'm in right now is not great but if the Lord put me here, He did it for a reason and I'm determined to figure out why. When that sense that something is wrong is constantly in my mind, I know He's trying to tell me something. I also know that He'll help me figure it out, one way or another.
It's a change in the season of my life.
Another page in my adventure for 2012 has been written.
Taking my mom to Pittsburgh on Saturday for her Christmas present, an evening with Stars on Ice
She and I followed ice skating all through my high school years, we both really enjoyed it. My interest has waned but hers has not so my sisters and I knew she'd enjoy a weekend getaway that included skating!
Merry Christmas Mom...finally :)
It's at the Consol Energy Center- Home Ice for the Pittsburgh Penguins!! I'd much rather be going to a hockey game, Go Pens, but, Mom wins out, this time.
Before I left to go to Pittsburgh last week I had intended to make Marty a cake for his lunch pail; my good intentions failed. Instead of putting everything away, I gathered up all the supplies (except perishables of course) and placed them together on a corner of the island ready to go upon my return.
A short time ago I turned on the oven, cleared the counter and got ready to make the cake. Greased & floured the pan, got the eggs and sour cream out of the fridge, put the beaters in the mixer and was ready to roll except for one thing; I couldn't find my regular mixing bowl. I started looking for it-- not where it normally belongs, not in dishwasher, not on island shelves, not in an odd cupboard (sometimes Marty puts things away for me), not anywhere. I started down the stairs to wake Marty from a nap to ask him if he knew where the bowl was, I glanced back for some reason and guess what, I saw the bowl hiding in plain sight :-)
What a dork I am !! Crazy when you can't see the forest for the tree, eh? That's my humor for the day!
I'm finally home; it was a nice trip, successful studies and great food. My eyelids keep dropping over my eyes, better get to sleep. Still thinking about that great brown purse...sometimes Penney's gives out coupons to preferred customers (I'm preferred) maybe I'll get one in the mail this week. Feels good to be at my own desk tonight. Sleep is hammering me on the head....night, night.
Our Parker is such a good dog. He's friendly, playful, well behaved, he even opened his home to a cat, it just doesn't seem fair, why should his life end like this? I wanted to sob earlier today when Marty said, "I want to take him to the cancer center so they can fix him". I've only seen Marty cry two other times in all the years I've known him. He's been crying a lot since Monday.
We lost our last dog, Kodi, just after her 13th birthday. She had been sick for about a year with heart problems. It was horribly hard to choose a day but for her sake, we did what was necessary.
Parker looks fine, acts fine and his 13th birthday isn't until September. In fact he looks so good, we were sure he'd be with us long past number 13. Now he won't even make it to 13!
He loves us, we love him, we're good parents, we've taken good care of him, we take him every where with us. We talk to him all day, everyday. He and Vivianne are our kids. What's she going to do without her brother. What are we going to do without him? What are we going to do? It just isn't fair.