The same but different

I've not had the gift of children but I have sisters, brothers, nieces & nephews and the feelings I've experienced over the years are very similar to what you describe but from a slightly different chair. 
There are days that my heart breaks and days when it swells; but there are never days that it's not filled with love.


I posted the above comment earlier this morning on a blog that I follow.  It just spilled out of me after reading the post that spoke about "golden times/memories".  A mother speaking about her children, wishing to, maybe, do some things over, to have savored others more and to savor where she is now in her 'empty nest'.  Those were golden times to her but the times yet to come for her and for me will be golden too, just in a different way.

Time always seems to drive me, hurrying me to the next task.  I took time to read my Joyce Meyer daily devotion today and she talked about being childlike.  Childlike in our approach to each day.  Enjoy it, no matter what it brings because there will never be another day just like it.  Children choose to make fun during the day.  We adults are older, wiser and supposedly more intelligent but can't seem to find the fun and enjoyment in the gift of another day.   

This morning, Marty made me laugh until my sides hurt, I couldn't love him anymore than I did at that moment.  He is the golden part of my life and I'm looking forward to each future day with him.

OH MY

I have been lost.  Still not sure where I am but I'm thinking I'm leaning more toward the light.  I'm beginning to believe I've been lost in a little cloud of depression.  The world was feeling pretty heavy on my shoulders.  I'm starting to sit up straighter, I think that's a good sign.  I so enjoyed writing on this little blog of mine, I really thought I'd found a good spot to be me; rephrasing that, I know I did.  I couldn't wait to sit down and write sometimes.  So why have I been away so long?  Not sure.  But I'm feeling better and the typing I'm doing right now proves that to me; it feels good.   Aaaahhhhhhh

Anteater

I like poems that rhyme.  Poems that rhyme make me smile.  Shel Silverstein is really good at making me smile.  They all make perfect sense and I wonder why I didn't think of them first.

Anteater by Shel Silverstein

"A genuine anteater,"
The pet man told me dad.
Turned out, it was an aunt eater,
And now my uncle's mad!

It's OK

My brother had his second back surgery in as many years yesterday.  The procedure went well and the doctor is optimistic so we shall be as well.  I'm sitting in a motel room in Buffalo reading blogs and listening to my mom snore; she's doing a great job (sorry mom).  This is my favorite part of travel, not my mom snoring, it's sitting in my room feeling no guilt looking over my shoulder as I sit reading blogs!
Today over at Two Story Cottage I was inspired to be myself again.  Biggest mystery for me is finding out who I am.  I often feel like Julia Roberts (that would be awesome) in Pretty Woman when she responds to Richard Gere's question, "What's your name? with "What do you want it to be?"
In my mind, I've been a people pleaser nearly all my life.  Not the kind of person that does it for personal gain but the kind of person that tries to put other's needs before her own.  I'm not unhappy about that at all but what I am discovering at this later stage in my life, I don't know who I am or what my needs are.  I also acknowledge that I did get some personal gain, a family place if  you will..."Call Corsy, she can figure out what to do, how to fix it, make the arrangements, etc."
My sisters, brutally pointed out to me, around the table a few months ago, that unless I'm 'mothering' them or helping them or someone else in the family do one thing or another I'm absent from their lives.  Absent in the, every day life way, so to speak; I'm always there for them but not there 'with' them. Boy did that hurt, but I admit they might be right.
As Erin pointed out on her Two Story Cottage blog, it's okay.  This place I'm in right now is not great but if the Lord put me here, He did it for a reason and I'm determined to figure out why.  When that sense that something is wrong is constantly in my mind, I know He's trying to tell me something.  I also know that He'll help me figure it out, one way or another.
It's a change in the season of my life.

Another page in my adventure for 2012 has been written.

Ice Skating

Taking my mom to Pittsburgh on Saturday for her Christmas present, an evening with  Stars on Ice
She and I followed ice skating all through my high school years, we both really enjoyed it.  My interest has waned but hers has not so my sisters and I knew she'd enjoy a weekend getaway that included skating!
Merry Christmas Mom...finally :)
It's at the Consol  Energy Center- Home Ice for the Pittsburgh Penguins!!  I'd much rather be going to a hockey game, Go Pens, but, Mom wins out, this time.

Blind

Before I left to go to Pittsburgh last week I had intended to make Marty a cake for his lunch pail; my good intentions failed.  Instead of putting everything away, I gathered up all the supplies (except perishables of course) and placed them together on a corner of the island ready to go upon my return.
A short time ago I turned on the oven, cleared the counter and got ready to make the cake.  Greased & floured the pan, got the eggs and sour cream out of the fridge, put the beaters in the mixer and was ready to roll except for one thing; I couldn't find my regular mixing bowl.  I started looking for it-- not where it normally belongs, not in dishwasher, not on island shelves, not in an odd cupboard (sometimes Marty puts things away for me), not anywhere.  I started down the stairs to wake Marty from a nap to ask him if he knew where the bowl was, I glanced back for some reason and guess what, I saw the bowl hiding in plain sight :-)

What a dork I am !!  Crazy when you can't see the forest for the tree, eh?  That's my humor for the day!

Home

I'm finally home; it was a nice trip, successful studies and great food.  My eyelids keep dropping over my eyes, better get to sleep.  Still thinking about that great brown purse...sometimes Penney's gives out coupons to preferred customers (I'm preferred) maybe I'll get one in the mail this week.  Feels good to be at my own desk tonight.  Sleep is hammering me on the head....night, night.