Priorities

Tonight I cleaned off my dining room table.  I've been in and out of the house so much in the last month that nothing has found its way to its home.  The item on the bottom of the pile is one of Marty's Christmas gifts, a fleece Steelers blanket.  I always seem to find time to finish projects for others, for church, civic groups, my family, even my friends long before I finish his projects.  He's so understanding and I probably take advantage of him in that regard.  Why is that?  Is it because I think I'll always have time to finish it later, is it because I know he can see I'm working on his project bits at a time or is it just because he's less important in my mind???  I adamantly deny that last option.  But, honestly, in a sense, I think that's the truest option.  He sees me all the time, sees what I'm doing at home, sees what I'm doing for others, sees that I'm busy.  Therefore he should understand why I don't get his stuff done, right?   On the outside he might but on the inside, he's probably feeling cheated.  It's the inside I should be worried about.  I have talked to myself about this many times, about putting Marty first, finishing things for him before I do things for others.  I do really well for a spell and then I'm back to the bad behavior.  He is the best husband ever!  I love him more than I ever imagined I could love another but yet he some how, still falls to the back of the line, just ahead of  me.
Tonight I promised myself and Marty, though I didn't tell him, that I will finish his blanket before Monday morning.  After that, I will again find the projects for Marty that are at various stages of completion around the house and concentrate on finishing them before I start other things.
I have experienced some unexpected changes in my life recently and that split second change should remind me to put my husband first.  I want him to feel valued because he is and to know, on the inside, that he's my number one, today, tomorrow and forever.

Whew!

Last week was an emotional week.  In many ways, more emotional than my wedding day!

• I lost a very dear friend, she was 85.  I spoke at her memorial service, which was very hard but it was something I really wanted to do.  She meant a lot to me. 
• I had an unsolicited face to face talk with my general manager about ways I thought we could improve the communication level between him and I and ways I thought we could improve the overall function of our small (6 people) office.  Face to face is very hard for me.  Face to face, one on one, causes me to formulate and voice my opinion and then be accountable for what I say.  It went much better than I thought it would.
• I traveled to our Pittsburgh office on Wednesday to have my first ever 'goal setting' meeting with my immediate supervisor. I know my job, I do it well and I do anything else I am asked to do.  Simple, right?  Not now. Our company has decided to use an evaluation system to help monitor our individual progress.  I'm not scared, well, maybe a smidgen, but I'm confident I can meet the goals we set without any trouble.  What I am concerned about, can I meet them in a timely manner?  I am not a very good time manager.  I am actively working on improvement in that area and have been for about a year now.  Perhaps I need to work harder and more efficiently :)  This new policy may get me going in the right direction.  What appropriate timing!!
• My step mom's aunt, she was 96, passed away on 1/31/11.  She was a wonderful person and I enjoyed visiting with her at every opportunity.  Because of a funeral home backlog (who'd da thunk it) the funeral was not held until 1/4/12.  To my benefit, that allowed time for my sister and I to make a quick trip to IL to pay our respects and see some of our family.  
• Travel time to and from IL also allowed my sister and I to discuss some personal issues between the two of us.  We discussed ways I could improve on some of my shortcomings in the sister department.  Actually,  probably in the human being department as well.  OPEN UP, share, ask for help (that will be the day), enjoy time with your fellow man/woman, stop the isolation.  God meant for us to be social.  Even my church newsletter alluded to this topic last month. Hello Coralee, how much harder do you need to be hit; do you need to have a house dropped on you?

See what I mean, definitely emotional!!  It will take me a few more days to process all of this but I am grateful for this past week.  Saddened by the loss of life but encouraged by the new beginnings; it's a cycle of sorts, isn't it?

Life passes

My sister and I traveled to Illinois yesterday for a funeral today and we will travel back to PA early tomorrow morning.  My Dad thinks it's silly for us to drive 1100 miles to attend a funeral but we do not because there are other benefits.

My sister and I are both in our mid fifties, relatively healthy and capable of making this trip; we drove.  Aside from paying our respects to our stepmother's dear aunt, we also have a bit of time to visit with our family here in Illinois.

Death of family and friends can impact our lives at any moment.  We don't know if this visit with our father, or 2 of our brothers or our stepmother will be our last; we pray that it won't be; but the realization of that possibility  looms larger with each passing minute at this point in our lives.

It is a bit sad that we wouldn't chose to make this quick trip, just because, but, time spent with family, for whatever reason, is not time wasted. 

I do believe.

The Bible Study group I'm in has been studying Revelation.  The main focus of Revelation seems to be worship, even in the worst of times, worship Him.  My 'worst' time right now, the loss of my friend, does make it difficult to worship.  However, I had an 'ah ha' moment because of it.

Because my friend lived alone and died unexpectedly, no one is sure exactly when she died.  That fact troubled and hurt me greatly when I first heard the news.  Why hadn't I stopped by last week?  And more than anything else, the thought of her being alone at that particular moment caused me great pain.

I took this photo last fall because it was so breathtaking.
Today, it seemed to fit this post, because it is so breathtaking.

After crying on my husband's shoulder for a time on the night I found out, I went to the chapel at our church.  As I knelt at the rail, I felt a sense of calm, a sad and tearful calm, but a calm none the less.  Elsiemay was not alone! Jesus was with her, at her side as she crossed from this life into the next.  That realization strengthened my faith, removed the little bits of doubt that niggle your mind and heart in times of sorrow.  I was comforted by this spiritual assurance.  I cannot explain why, perhaps some would say it's what I wanted and needed to know, but I choose to believe, because I'm always asking Him something, whether it be in prayer or in conversation, that at a profound moment, He chose to give me an answer. An answer, I chose to believe.

Sadness

I have lost someone very special and I am heartbroken.  I have only known her for 11 years but her impact on my life has been significant.  I have learned many things by watching how she lived her life and served her Lord.  When I am 85, I hope the Lord will bless me with the zest for life and the love for family and friends that Elsiemay Draper showered upon so many of us.  There was no doubt in my mind that she loved me.  I pray that she was as sure of the same in return because I did love her dearly.  I can best celebrate my friend by fitting her life principles into my life.  She was never far when someone needed a hand and she always extended hers.
I miss you today Elsiemay and I will miss you tomorrow but I know one day I will see you again so I can let you go, for now.

My Miele

To say that I am in love, with this piece of housekeeping equipment, would be both a proclamation of affection and a realization of a dream come true.  I have owned this beauty for almost 2 years and I pay  homage to it each time I put it to use.
I've been married to Marty almost 23 years and I am ashamed and frustrated to say that I have owned nearly that many vacuum cleaners.  I've tried numerous brands and styles,- bags, no bags, wind tunnel, super glide, self propelled, whisper quiet, pet hair exterminator, upright, canister, shoulder mount - honestly, you name it, I've probably tried it.  During those years of disappointment (you get what you pay for) and repeated complaints about one thing or another, little did I know that my knight in shining armor would gallop into my life when I least expected him.
I was shopping for fabric that fateful day and discovered this store just happened to also sell sewing machines and vacuum cleaners; what a combination eh?  Anyway, I wandered over to that area, started reading some of the literature, got a free demo and two weeks later, brought my love home.  My heart wanted to buy him on the spot, but candidly, the price was a lot more than I was willing to spend without talking to Marty first.  We discussed it, Marty went to the store to see this piece of technology that had words of praise, contentment and pleasure rolling off the tongue and out of the mouth of his wife.  A wife who previously loathed this category of cleaning machinery. "Are you sure, really sure, this is 'the one'?", Marty asked. I was.  I still am.
Marty would probably say he loves my Miele too!  No more vacuum cleaners accidentally (wink, wink) tumbling down the stairs, no more unhappy tirades, no more complaints of any kind and best of all , no more  new vacuum cleaners!!  Had I met my Miele sooner, we would probably have a bigger retirement account :)

A list

Many of the blogs I've read recently have started the new year by resolving to do 'things' or to participate in challenges to organize, create, cook, read, knit, etc.  Not wanting to be left out of the trend, I've contemplated the past couple of days about what I could do that would improve my life throughout the year.  I definitely need to lose weight, I've promised Marty to spend more time at home vs work, I'm working on a better personal budget and as many of us crafty sorts do periodically, I've asked my self to please "use what I have before buying more".  All of these things will benefit me and I hope that I will continue to pursue success in all, throughout the year.  But I came up with another idea that will nourish me personally and spiritually.
I try to consciously break away from whatever is happening at some point in each day to pray.  I have a couple of things that I ask for everyday, just like most everyone else but I also try to include a thanksgiving.  I have so much, on so many levels that I never want to take any of it for granted, though I'm sure I do.  So, yesterday I spent some time adding some gadgets to my blog, including a list.  I want to record something different everyday.  I'll exclude my Savior Jesus Christ, my husband and my family because there is not enough space to list the blessings they add to my life each and every day!  Recording the little things, the unexpected moments that add or maybe detract from my day is my goal.  I'm late starting so I won't have a full year but 345 thankful things isn't too shabby.